I have to say that even though I disagreed with the doctor in the hospital at the time. I will be eternally grateful to her for giving me back my life.
Does that sound like Hyperbole? well it's not. It took something like four days for my body to get used to the new meds and to allow me to stay awake through the day. Then we went out in the car and we drove along a piece of country road that I really dislike. Narrow lane, high hedges, trees meeting over the top. All the things that have caused panic attacks in the past - in fact that very lane has caused me to be hysterical on one occasion. I was prepared for it.
It didn't happen.
When we got to the end I told Mr M that I hadn't even felt slightly breathless. He said "Perhaps the change in tablets was a good thing"
And that's when everything fell into place
Ten years ago I was put on the tablets for my blood pressure. Ten years ago I suddenly could not go out of the house on my own. As my parents had gone to live in the nursing home around this time I put my anxiety down to the relief from stress and tried to overcome it.
It didn't get better.
Now it is so clear that the betablockers were causing the anxiety and yet not once did my GP say anything about it. Not once did anyone query when it had started. I am totally relieved to feel normal again but at the same time I feel cheated out of time I could have been - I don't know, doing craft fairs, taking my granddaughter to the swimming pool for lessons, visiting my great grandchildren and doing ordinary stuff like walking into town to get my eyes tested. I am intending to do all sorts of things now.
In the mean time Mr M and I went out for a little ride the other day and we saw the sign that said Hedge Pussle Maze. "We'll stop there one day" I said "Do you want to?" he asked "yes please" I replied so we turned off and followed the sign and they had a butterfly Sanctuary and a tea shop and a miniature golf and a paintball thingy. It was raining so we scurried through the maze, which was wonderful and we were entranced by the butterfly sancturary and while I am not taking part in the ZIZO meme I couldn't resist doing this