Friday, 26 April 2013

Seeking the sympathy vote

Two people I regarded as friends, face to face friends, have unfriended me on FB. Now that happens, I know it does but the circumstances leading up to it told me it wasn't an accident of clicking on the wrong box this was a deliberate act and it was done because I didn't throw my cap in the ring with theirs when they were up in arms about something on a forum we shared. I asked one of them "why did you unfriend me?" and the answer was
"What have I done and how am I supposed to have done it?"
Wrong Answer

That doesn't cut it with me. The social worker training says "Hmmmm, not denying it outright. Going on the offensive straight away, guilty conscience perhaps? Anyway things have since deteriorated and my former friend has cut me off the Christmas card list for sure.

I feel really upset by this because they have made the whole thing my fault and my crime was to disagree. I know that people can be really funny-peculiar sometimes but I think I am most upset because I have thought for the past 20 years that this person was my friend and now my judgement is shown to be wrong.

I feel fragile and insecure and unwilling to trust myself at the moment. I know it will pass but it does make you queasy.

Just realised that this would have been a really good time to use the simple moment thingy and really look at my feelings and stuff... That means I am getting it into perpective and soon I will stop feeling sick.


Barbara Eads said...

I feel so bad for you. I went through something similar about 15 years ago with a good friend. I did so much for her both physically (designed and planted her garden---helped her move---cleaned out more closets than I can count) and emotionally I was always there. All of a sudden, she decided that I was judgemental of her---which I wasn't. We tried to make it work after that, but it was just never the same. I was always the planner. She started to cancel, so I quit calling and that was that.

You have to turn to your other friends while you let this hurt heal. All you can do is tell yourself that just because you have a different opinion, that doesn't make you wrong.

Perhaps, like mine, this friendship has just run its course. Sometimes that happens. In the meantime, I'll offer one of my rosaries for you.

Jimjams said...

I've been a bad blog reader recently (as well as a bad de-clutterer) but your post was "top" tonight and I couldn't ignore it. I despair of FB and forums and all electronic networking because we are too quick to type, too quick to read and above all else there is no body language or intonation to help people moderate their reactions. True friends can disagree - they should accept and even embrace differences of opinion. I hope that you can either *speak* to your friend and find out what's behind this before deciding whether the 20 year friendship is worth fighting for. Good luck!