Friday, 16 November 2012

One Moment

11.45am Friday. As I decide that now is a good moment to reflect Mr M arrives back from visiting his mother. She has dementia and now resides in a nursing home. My loving, funny, adorable, irritating, exasperating beloved mother-in-law left us a long time ago. What we have now is a stranger that continues to exist within her physical form. This stranger talks in scribble, strings of unconnected words mingled with the occasional chuckle or a saucy glance or sometimes a wagged finger and a stern look. I close my eyes and take a slow quiet breath.
"How's your mum?" I ask, but I really dread the answer. She doesn't walk anymore as her brain has forgotten her legs now. She eats like a bird and forgets to drink unless a straw is put to her mouth and you over ride the scribble and keep saying "drink this, drink this now Mam."
"She knew me today," Mr M replies, hanging his coat up and slipping off his shoes. "She lifted her hands the way she used to." He turns to me and the tears are welling into his eyes.

When ever she saw him she would lift her hands to his face and cup his cheeks in them "oh my baby," she would say and I would feel a stab of impatience that she was doing this to her grown-up son. Every time we visited she did this and even after she went into the home she couldn't remember his name but her hands would go to his face and you just knew that the scribble was meant to be "oh my baby" She hadn't done this for months. Not since before our anniversary in June so for her to remember was the final straw and my moment ended with tears from both of us

This is part of the Simply a moment that Alexa started and I love.

10 comments:

humel said...

My heart goes out to you both, and to her. Dementia is such a painful thing for all concerned. I'm sorry x

Ruth said...

Thank you for sharing such a heartfelt post. Dementia is a truly hideous illness, as it claims so many more than the one victim. Thinking of you.

Jane said...

my mum's memory is going and I dread the day she won't know who I am, your post made me cry xxx

Barbara Eads said...

What a beautiful post. I'm so happy that your husband had that moment with his mother. I often wonder with people going through this that just maybe they might be in there, but cannot express themselves.

alexa said...

I am moved to tears by the sadness, poignancy and sharp beauty of what you have recorded so expressively today. It will stay with me for a long time. Thinking of you all, and thank-you so much for joining in ...

Maria Ontiveros said...

This is so touching. Thank you for sharing this personal, universal moment.
Hugs to both of you,
Rinda

Irene said...

How well you have recorded what is a difficult topic for us all. The fear of getting old and losing our mind. I am so touched by your writing. It is lovely to feel how close you and your husband are and thank you for sharing your Moment.

Missus Wookie said...

So glad that she knew your dh today.

I well remember the pain of my grandma not knowing who any of us are - and seeing my Mom start to worry lately that she too will end up that way.

Sian said...

So very moving..

Linda said...

How sad! Really sorry to hear that you and your family are going through this. ((HUGS))