Passing

This Mr.M typing  a quick message to say that Ladkyis passed away on Friday.

Back in writing mode

It's quite strange isn't it, that when you are ill you don't really know how ill you are because you are too wrapped up in being ill. I just felt lousy and weak and tired. I couldn't think straight and Mr M was hovering, watching me with a anxious look on his face.
It irritated me because I couldn't understand why he was looking so worried. Now that I am breathing better and I can feel that the blood-clots on my lungs are getting smaller so I have more room for air I understand that I must have been quite ill and he was worrying about me - a lot. He doesn't hover anymore so I know I am definitely not as ill as I was a few weeks ago
I spent those weeks staring at FB or gazing at something on TV. All the writing I had done in the preceding months was forgotten, no it was avoided because I had been writing almost to the point I went into hospital and somehow my mind had decided that it was the writing that had sent me there.
I know, stupid right? but the thought was firmly fixed so I stayed away from the books.
I can't remember if I've mentioned this before but I have written three of them and started number four. Anyhoo, I have gradually begun to think about my story - which still doesn't have a title - and the other day I opened book one and began to edit a bit.
I have now re-read the first three books and today I opened book for and was surprised to see that I have seven chapters. I read them all and found that chapters six and seven are unfinished. Now this was a shock because I distinctly remember writing a huge amount of chapter seven but it wasn't there.
I pondered for a while and then did what I hope all writers do at some point, I gazed into nothing and let my mind go.
"you must have written that in hospital" I thought and immediately I could see myself in the bed with my notebook (the one I write the plot and character sheets in) and I had written something in hospital.
I've just read it through and do you know it's not bad. No, not at all bad for a person that was attached to the wall with oxygen tubes and feeling like she had a rock in her chest.
I'm off to copy it to the computer now and to email some more chapters of book one to Mr M who has just begun to read it.
Oh, and to continue trying to find a good title for the series.

My point of view

I reported a post on Facebook today. Not something I have ever had a need to do before and just clicking on two buttons left me shaking.
Now I feel a need to explain why I did it. I know I don't have to, I know that the process is anonymous but the person whose post I reported should know better and their blatant ignorance and laziness has left me angry and frustrated.
You see the post was a group of pictures of various former presidents of the USA. They are all pictured with the flag of the USA and the word flag on each picture = except one. this is a picture of president Obama standing in front of a gold-coloured curtain and printed on that picture are the words Muslim Prayer Curtain.
Now anyone who has the slightest grasp of hate speech will see how inflammatory this would be and I would have thought that a person with any common sense would not share this. I am wrong, so wrong because the person who shared it didn't check to see if such a thing exists - I mean a prayer curtain? what and where would one of those be used? they also didn't check to see if the post they were sharing bore any semblance of truth and the worst thing? oh by far the worst thing for me is that the person who shared it is a teacher.
This person is in a classroom every day, moulding the minds of the next generation and yet they couldn't be bothered to look at what this post was and to take two inutes to research it before passing it on.
I'm not really sure why it has had such an effect on me, I just know that I sat and stared at it for about fifteen long angry minutes trying to decide what to do, knowing that I couldn't just ignore it.
I reported it and within five minutes the posts were gone! Not just a notice saying that the content was not available but completely gone.
Now I am writing this to explain because I feel guilty for having to do it. Isn't human nature a strange animal? I'll survive and will continue to view all such posts with contempt and now I won't be so afraid to report them.

What do you do?

This picture is my first year in school. I could already read. My Dad used to read a chapter of a book to me every night at bedtime. I was sure he was missing bits out so I would look at the pages and I taught myself to read by remembering what he had said and then matching words. What? oh yes, he was missing bits out. So, there I am in school and having my first school photograph age five.
Then the most wonderful thing happened.
They taught me to write.
They did! Miss Grey taught me to write and from that day onwards I have written. I remember when I was seven and we were asked to write a story and the teacher, who was instantly forgettable, turned to me and said
'You can't write more than two sides of paper'
Of course I can, I thought, I can easily write two sides, probably four sides.
What she meant was that I was restricted to only writing two sides because she couldn't be arsed to read more than that.
What's this got to do with now?
Well, from my last post you know that I now have breathing issues and the condition is progressive. So I was feeling very sorry for myself and doing the Not-long-for-this-world-thing and decided that we would either have to move or we would eventually have to move our bedroom downstairs. Thank goodness we haven't fallen for this open plan living fad eh?

I went into the study and looked at the shelves full of cr*p and began to empty folders that have stood on the shelves for twenty years untouched and I found the first draft of The Book.

I wrote it during the two weeks I was at my daughter's house in Rochdale, dog sitting back in 199? All I had to do was take the dog for a walk every day and then nothing. So I walked about five miles or more in the morning then went to the market and got food and then came back and sat at the computer and wrote.

So here I am in 2019. I have retyped that first draft and improved it to a second draft. I then started the next book and had written ten chapters and realised that I really needed to write the book that came before all I had written = anyhoooo. That was the end of February and here I am in May and I now have three books written and all into second draft.

Sounds good eh? all formatted ready to submit as soon as the editing is done and last night I had a dream. The upshot of which is that this morning I wrote the first 600 words of book four. I know, I know I should at least try to finish one of the darned things before going onto the next but I have to write it down when I dream it.

So that's how things stand at the moment. Pulmonary rehabilitation means I will be learning exercises to keep me fit (excuse me while I laugh hollowly) and for the rest of the time I can sit with my legs elevated (freaking oedema) and write to my hearts content. If I can find a publisher I'll be laughing into my oxygen won't I?

Health update

Feeling decidedly down at the moment. The experts have diagnosed Idiopathic Pulmonary Fibrosis. So let's look at this. Idiopathic means haven't-got-a-clue. Pulmonary is pertaining to the lungs. Fibrosis is hardening or scarring. So, something has damaged my lungs, but "they" don't know what or how or why.
I have to carry an oxygen thingy with tubes that go up my nose - but only for exercise. AS exercise includes walking to the bathroom, having a shower and even getting dressed you can see why my world is monochrome. I hate it. but I must have it.
Takes the bloody shine of everything, I can tell you!
It's dark and miserable in the belly of the wolf so I won't stay long in here. I will get used to it, but not yet, ok? I haven't finished wallowing in self-pity, but I'll get there

Just thinking

He has his, 'oh gawd, she's taking my picture again' face. This man restored my trust and gave me wings. He gave my children the confidence to go out into the world and above all the be themselves.

A Zero Birthday

Today Mr M is 60. we met when he was 21 so we have known each other for two thirds of his life. He still makes me laugh and if he appears in my line of vision I still get that funny fizzy feeling in my tummy.

Isn't this just too sweet! The expression on his face is just the same now when he concentrates on the TV

Health update

It seems that I have idiopathic pulmonary fibrosis. I don't intend letting it get me down and if you need to know more then google it because that's all I am going to say about it.
In the mean time I have quilts to make and knitting to do and books to read.

Time and health

We did a lot during the summer even though Mr M was struggling with his legs and I had developed a funny breathlessness. We popped up to North Wales to take presents and stuff and we did it on Eldest Son's birthday so we shared the birthday tea and joined in the candle ceremony

 I had a burst of creativity and made this quilt for a very special friend who now lives in France. It spent a while in a bag before we could parcel it up and send it to her. She expressed a certain amount of joy when she opened it and now calls it her Precioussssssssss

 Cousins came to visit! I love it when that happens. Roxanne and her lovely husband Al came to stay. Someone asked if I was worried in case we didn't like each other as we had never met in person. I did have a momentary qualm but then I realised that in our messages and emails we had both laughed at the same things and I just knew we would be fine. Were we? Well as long as we were awake we were talking. We talked about the family tree we took them out and did Roman on the one day and medieval on the next day and all the time we talked. Al and Mr M just nodded and added the occasional word when we drew breath. All too soon it was time to take them to the station and wave goodbye. It was wonderful!

 The next day Cousin Sandy and her husband Bob arrived from Arizona to take us out to lunch. Well not just for that but it was part of their plan to have time to actually talk and not get swallowed up by a huge family group. I Started the visit off by falling over on the patio and scaring everyone. grazed elbow bruised knee and shattered dignity. Sandy and I have known each other since we were small. She is the cousin that could come out to play in the stream with me and she would go back into the house without a speck of dirt on her and I would be head to toe in mud. Gosh I envied her that ability. It was so good to sit and chat. I have just realised that it looks like I am wearing the same shirt - I have two the same.

 Then David and Terri came to see us! all the way from Australia. David is descended from my great grandmother's younger brother. There is a likeness between us. Again the conversation flowed and we had a great time. When DD and her husband went to Australia to visit her uncle (my ex husbands brother) she took the opportunity to meet up with our newly discovered relatives and she had met David and Terri then. It was lovely for her to meet them again and it was so good to sit and listen to that fabulous accent. They said I had a Welsh accent but I can't hear it myself.

 Then it was off to Tenby to celebrate the special zero birthday of my youngest son. We did the same for him as for the others and had spent three years finding daft stuff to wrap and put in a box. My idea was that the presents would soon be forgotten but the time spent with us as they opened them and the laughter that ensued would be remembered forever. It was absolutely chucking down with rain so we sat in the car while he worked his way through the box.

 Then we went out for a meal with him and his lovely lady Helen. Mr M was wearing his only shirt. He does have a drawer full of shirts but it seems that there are only two that get photographed. He put on his good grief another picture face. It was a very nice restaurant and H and I agreed that it fell into the Well-we-never-have-to-go-there-again catagory because it was overpriced.

 The end of the month of September saw us celebrating two more birthdays, mine and DD's. We went out for a meal and this was the closest to a team photograph that they would allow. Miss Boo sat between her two favourite men and we had a chance to just sit and talk without domestic stuff getting in the way - and Mr M made sure he was wearing the other shirt!

The month of cousins was great. I loved that I got to see all my children on their birthdays and, of course, the hugs from grandchildren are something that can never be bettered.

It's been a while

A lot has happened since Mr M announced his retirement to the family on June 16. for a start the problems with his legs and the Lymph oedema would not go away. so he spent four weeks on one course of antibiotics after another. 

We think we have control now but we aren't relaxing just yet.

You can just see the 'Blue Badge' on the dashboard. This means we can park in disabled spaces and not have to walk far.

Watching the rafts on Llandegvedd reservoir

Visiting my lovely sister-in-law. Mr M sitting in the slight breeze and wearing Diane's hat!

waiting for lunch at Franco's in Aberavon. It seems that Mr M has only one shirt

Trying to catch a picture of the nekkid sheep. I took something like ten pictures and missed every time

Me and My Sewing Machine

I have been making bags. I believe I told you that my friend who has a curtain shop brought me offcuts of fabric that would otherwise go to landfill. I gave several boxes of these pieces to my cousin because she has a friend who helps with classes for single parent families and these classes teach them to make soft furnishings and stuff. 

I use some of the fabrics for quilts and the smaller pieces I make bags to sell for my daughter's guide company

The pink panel is a large pocket. The circle is done with beads and the motif has also been beaded. The button to hold it shut is vintage - from my Granny's button box. The bag is fully lined

This one has a pocket with a flap. Fully lined and the buttons are vintage

Vintage buttons and fully lined. Beading on the motif

fully lined with an inner pocket. Vintage button

I am really enjoying making these and I might just activate my etsy account just to seel them now rather than wait for the autumn fair she plans to run

Me on Monday- Nothing to see here

Nope, nothing to see here. Just an ordinary day after an ordinary weekend.

 With the help of favourite Son-in-law (he is my only son-in-law) the little greenhouse has been moved down into the garden and the yard swept. The table and chairs was moved up, the cushions brushed off and we sat outside in the chairs that have been stacked up since father-in-law died in 2016

 Just look at that pained face! the chair is too narrow and leans back too far so Mr M is squished and looks most uncomfortable. My legs are too short for these chairs so the front edge cuts into the backs of my knees but my bottom doesn't touch the back of the chair. If I lean back I am almost horizontal and flailing around like I am drowning. We managed ten minutes then re-stacked the chairs put the cushions in the box and gave them to youngest son for Helen's (his significant other) garden. We then got S-i-L to carry our good old director's chairs down and we use those when we sit outside. Much more relaxing

 I have completed the Harry Potter quilt but the recipient hasn't seen it yet so you will just have to wait a bit for the full picture. I am taking a little break to make some more tote bags to sell to raise money for the Girl Guide company that DD runs. These pictures are a taster - the turrets of Hogwarts and the Golden Snitch. You have to understand here that I have not read the books and I only watched the first film with Mr M but I was the one getting the snacks and drinks and stuff - oh and cooking dinner. I did this by pictures from the internet and things people told me. These pictures are to show off the beading. I am addicted to beading.

we also went to the garden centre this weekend and bought Tomato plants and runner beans and I might just have taken a look in the "last chance before we chuck them" corner and found some lovely plants. I am gradually getting the garden straight. I have the big blu tub nearly ready for the tomatoes and the runner beans will go in the bed where the tomatoes were last year. I will put the lovely blue flowers in the front of the bed and the Veronica will go under the Wisteria.

So I nice weekend with Mr M taking a couple of days extra and then pulling a muscle in his thigh so he spent most of the time in pain *sigh*. I will be so glad when he retires

Unicorn delivered

 The completed quilt Too far away to see the beading on the mane and the swirls. The dark dots on the crown are sapphire beads

 My great granddaughter helping Mummy to open her present

 The face of a satisfied granddaughter. Don't you just love the colour of her hair?

Then we came home the pretty way - only the view was shut because the cloud was wrapping around the mountains and somehow we found ourselves on the wall of death road. Just look at the satnav!!

Me on Monday - quilting and eating

It has been a while since I have had Monday thoughts but I have just completed the applique on the Harry Potter quilt and I needed a break before starting the serious beading.

The weekend before last we went out for a little ride to see my sister-in-law who has broken her humerus, right at the top near the shoulder joint, and after commiserating with her and admiring her bruising - shoulder to wrist all colours of the bruising rainbow - we went to the Hungry Horse for lunch and then came home the pretty way via Gloucester and Ross-on-Wye.

 The Unicorn quilt is now completed but you can't see it until the recipient has set eyes on it. These are the cushions to go with it.

 Lunch at the Hungry Horse. I had the steak and I have to say that so far my steak has always been perfect at any of the Hungry Horse pubs we have been to.

 The very beginnings of the Harry Potter quilt. Hogwarts will never look the same again. I should probably read the books for accuracy, but I am content to google such important facts as "what colour are Harry Potters eyes?"

 We went to Chepstow Garden Centre for lunch this last weekend. I know it sounds strange because we are together at home all the time (when Mr M is not in work) but I really do like those times when we go out and he gets to enjoy his hobby of shouting at other drivers - no, wait..... he gets to enjoy his hobby of driving and we can talk without the phone or TV or someone at the door interrupting.

There comes a point in the year when the amount of green on the trees and hedges is greater than then amount of brown. We call this Green Day and we declared it for our special area of South East Wales on 21st April 2018. This is the A449 near Raglan

A Little Trip out

First trip out for more than four weeks

We went to the Wyevale Garden Centre in Hereford. Yes, I know that's a long way from home but that was the way we were kind of heading. We bought a new tap adaptor for the outside tap because I forgot to remove the one that was on there AND I forgot to turn off the tap so when it froze and split I had home made icicles all over the garden from the resulting spray of water. We also bought a trough thingy that holds a grow bag for my tomatoes - one last go at growing them before I totally give up and pave the whole bl**dy garden.

The we moved on the Oakchurch Farm Shop. I might have mentioned this place before as they always have stuff I desperately need.

Chocolate Torte and a large latte for me. Mr M had a pot of tea and a can of sprite zero

LOOK! LOOK! a special mug for Mr M. We didn't buy it.

I am waiting while he goes to the Loo.............. waiting is boring

There he is! I miss him so much when he is not right by me

See this? This is snow left over from last week

When it hangs around like this we always say it is waiting for more. We hope to be proved wrong

And so it begins

SO, you think you have an idea but it is vague and shrouded in swirls of mist. 

You continue with the work in hand and try to allow the vague idea to assume more substantial form.

You finish the work in hand and pay more attention to what your grand children are doing and saying and one of them posts a picture that you INSTANTLY see as a quilt.

And so it begins

Tentative placement of the first parts of the unicorn

The working drawing, based on the picture that Hanna put on her FB wall. (I am told this is "The Last Unicorn"

The beading has begun - Emerald eyes for a unicorn that might just be a bit "Goth"

Ears, "Always you pull my ears"

The crown with sapphires - just found them in the forgotten bead box.

I am now at the point where I must start securing the pieces to the quilt and I am always reluctant to start because of all the preliminary stuff - basting and pinning and throwing away the stuff that refuses to work. I dislike working with voile but I have some fabulous maroon and purple and black voile that is just screaming for me to use it and bead it. I will allow the ideas to fester mature over the weekend and come to the table fresh on Monday.

Have a good weekend and I'll see you on the flip side

This is for remembrance

For World Poetry Day...  a sad sonnet by Edna St Vincent Millay (1892 - 1950).

Time does not bring relief; you all have lied 

Who told me time would ease me of my pain! 

I miss him in the weeping of the rain; 

I want him at the shrinking of the tide;

The old snows melt from every mountain-side, 

And last year's leaves are smoke in every lane; 

But last year's bitter loving must remain

Heaped on my heart, and my old thoughts abide. 

There are a hundred places where I fear 

To go,—so with his memory they brim. 

And entering with relief some quiet place 

Where never fell his foot or shone his face 

I say, "There is no memory of him here!" 

And so stand stricken, so remembering him.

For some reason this has really struck a chord with me.

Let me introduce Cedric

Because it takes a while to complete a quilt I tend to let my mind drift a little while I am stitching and sometimes I create a back-story for the picture.

 You already know that I like to hang the work in progress so that I can look at it and decide how to work the next bit. So it will come as no surprise to you that this water dragon is called Cedric. I didn't write the story when I thought it - too busy beading his tongue - so I can't tell you. I do remember that his name is something to do with Kelp, but I have been asleep since then.

 I invested in new beading needles and now every project I think of seems to have a way of incorporating beads - I can sit in my chair with legs elevated and bead away to my hearts content. I do need to order some more needle threaders though. Otherwise I spent at least five minutes threading the needle and I have to use a magnifying glass to do it! I have broken all my needle threaders and the complicated plastic one with the push button is just too thick to go into the fine beading needles so it has to be those funny little metal discs with the fine wire sticking out.

 Now all I have to do is wait for the piping cord to arrive so that I can finish the cushions to go with this quilt and the necktie one.

Yes the carrier bags in the picture do have the fabrics for the next project in them. I have ideas for a goth unicorn - thank you Darling Daughter for making that birthday cake and inspiring me - and a stained glass window butterfly................ I also want to make some bags for the charity shop.

Oh did I tell you that my friend who has a curtain shop has had a "bit of a clear out in the workroom" Mr M gave a sigh and bought a large plastic box bigger than a cabin trunk for me to store the fabric. I have promised to share the bounty and I have already given three bags (black bags, large) of fabric to someone who teaches parents of one parent families to sew their own soft furnishings. As I live in the area with the highest national incidence of unmarried parents I am glad to give stuff so that they are learning a skill and gaining a little pride

Now I simply have to go and cut the strips ready to pipe those cushions - oh and order some new needle threaders. ................ Now, where did I put that black tape?